


The Trouble With Piracy

by serpentineshadows



Category: One Piece
Genre: Based on a Tumblr Post, Gen, Nakamaship, didn't include jinbe bc i hadn't reached that part yet when i thought of this, just some pirates having fun, pirates trying each other for piracy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-14
Updated: 2018-12-14
Packaged: 2019-09-18 01:34:57
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,675
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16985625
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/serpentineshadows/pseuds/serpentineshadows
Summary: In which Luffy finds out about a game pirates used to play through Robin and the whole crew gets involved. Set at some random point in time after Brook joins the crew.Inspired bythistumblr post, which I actually stumbled across on Instagram first.





	The Trouble With Piracy

**Author's Note:**

> so basically, all of the court stuff i know comes from the Phoenix Wright games, which is like, the opposite of accurate but like, accuracy isn't important. just take any lawyering with a grain of salt bc it is Not Accurate.
> 
> ive been sitting on this since september and did not work on it for 2 months bc lack of motivation, and i have free time now so i was like "why not" and so here you go (linear algebra is the opposite of comic sans, in terms of inspiring content).
> 
> also my friend who is not a fan of one piece thought i was talking about online piracy and insists "batters trying themselves for battery" is a superior concept to "pirates trying themselves for piracy"

It all starts with Robin. She chuckles to herself as she’s reading, which sparks Luffy’s curiosity, so maybe, really, it all starts with Sanji since he’s why Luffy’s in the library. (After Luffy’s fifth attempt at breaking into the fridge, Sanji tossed Luffy into the library, leaving Robin with a small dessert as both a desperate plea and an apology.)

To Luffy, the library isn’t the most entertaining place on the Sunny, so he very quickly gets bored while Robin amuses herself with reading and helping herself to the dessert. That’s why, the moment Luffy hears Robin laugh, he asks, “What’s so funny?”

“It says here that pirates of the past used to play this game,” Robin says, a morbidly amused smile on her face. “They used to try each other for piracy as entertainment.”

Luffy tilts his head to the side, hemming and hawing. “I don’t get it. Is this a fun game?”

“I would say it seems amusing. Why don’t we play it with the whole crew?”

 

Despite the nice weather, it’s relatively quiet out on deck. Zoro’s napping as usual while Usopp and Chopper are halfheartedly fishing to the side. The silence is broken, however, as Luffy leaps onto the deck with Robin following him soon after.

“Let’s play pirates!” he yells, which doesn’t disturb Zoro’s snoring at all.

Usopp and Chopper look up in unison. “Aren’t we already pirates though?” Usopp asks while Chopper nods his head vigorously.

“Yeah, so let’s play pirates!” Luffy repeats himself, which doesn’t exactly help Usopp and Chopper understand what he wants to do. He stretches his arms and drags them to his side, their fishing equipment lying forgotten on the deck. “We’re going to try someone!”

Robin giggles at their expense, but she does eventually explain to them what’s going on, all while Luffy bounces around them excitedly.

“I have our target in mind,” Luffy not-quite whispers, a conspiratory smile on his face.

Robin watches Luffy, Usopp, and Chopper huddle together, practically vibrating with excitement. “I’ll go recruit some of the others,” Robin says, her words falling on deaf ears as she goes below deck.

 

Robin finds Brook in the aquarium, playing music for the fish. He greets her with the obligatory “can I see your panties”, which she doesn’t bother to answer with anything other than a threatening smile.

“Luffy and some of the others wanted to play a game, which involves trying each other for piracy. Would you be interested in playing?”

“Yohoho, I remember playing that with my old crewmates!” Brook says (and the most wistful expression would have appeared on his face if he had one — skull joke!). “Those were wonderful times, indeed.”

“So, pirates really did play such games in the past,” Robin says.

“Of course, yohoho! It really was such fun. I’d love to play it again!”

 

The next person Robin goes to recruit is Franky, who’s tinkering away in his workshop.

“Robin, what’re you doing here?” he asks, stepping away from his most recent project. “Come to see the SUPER roll I’m on this week?”

“No,” Robin says as soon as Franky starts showing off the gadgets he’s made, which undoubtedly would’ve made Luffy, Usopp, and Chopper squeal in awe. “Luffy and some of the others are playing a game up on deck, if you’d be interested in joining. We’re holding a mock trial with piracy as the charge.”

Franky considers his workbench, which is littered with pieces of paper and small scraps of metal. “I could take a tiny break,” he says before striking a pose. “Do you guys need me to build a SUPER set for you?”

 

The last stop Robin makes is at the women’s quarters, where Nami is working on her maps. She knocks gently on the doorframe, causing Nami to look up from her desk.

“The rest of the crew is playing a game of mock trial. Would you like to join?”

“Mock trial? On what? Why?” Nami asks.

“We’re going to try someone for piracy, just for fun. I thought you would be a good choice for the role of defender.”

“Wait, isn’t that an impossible role?” Nami asks, fully turning in her chair to face Robin. “How am I supposed to say that one of us is _not_ guilty of piracy? We’re pirates!”

Robin chuckles. “I’m sure you’ll do fine, Nami. You’ll think of something.”

 

Meanwhile, the galley is in total chaos. Luffy’s stubbornly wrapped his arms around Sanji to try and prevent him from moving while Sanji kicks desperately to defend the fridge from being totally emptied out. Usopp and Chopper are standing a good distance away from the two of them, ready to provide backup if Luffy needs it.

“You’re being tried for piracy!” Luffy yells, a little muffled, while Usopp and Chopper cheer him on.

“I’ll try you guys for stealing food from the kitchen,” Sanji mutters, lashing out with a rather vicious kick.

“ _Ocho Fleur_ ,” a voice cuts in, eight hands sprouting from Sanji’s body and holding him in place.

“Thanks, Robin,” Luffy says, releasing his hold on Sanji and instead throwing him over his shoulder. “Let’s take him outside!”

“Robin-chan, why?” Sanji asks, his face the picture of betrayal, as Luffy darts out of the room.

 

The deck has been completely transformed by Franky’s hands. There’s a makeshift courtroom on the lawn now, surrounding the still-sleeping Zoro. Brook is already seated in the audience, violin by his side. Nami hovers near the defendant’s seat, ready to bolt at a moment’s notice.

Luffy marches Sanji over to where Nami is while Usopp rushes to take the judge’s seat with Chopper right beside him.

“Quiet, quiet!” Usopp shouts, assuming a somber demeanor. He slams a hammer into the desk a couple of times, drowning out Sanji’s protests. “Today, we are gathered for the trial of Black Leg Sanji, who is being accused of piracy. Prosecution, please step forward, and state your case.”

Robin stands up and says: “The accused, Black Leg Sanji, is a member of the Strawhats, a pirate crew, which means we have no choice but to convict him of piracy.”

As she’s speaking, Nami shakes Zoro awake and drags him over to the defendant’s side. “I’ll erase some of your debt if you take my place, okay?” she says, patting him on the shoulder.

“What the hell are you talking about?” he growls as she walks toward the spectator seating. “What the hell is all this?”

“Oh, god, I’m done for,” Sanji groans from next to Zoro. “I was already set up from the start, but with this dumb marimo defending me instead of the lovely Nami-san, I’ve got no chance.”

“What did you just say?” Zoro growls, grabbing onto one of his swords menacingly. “I don’t know what the hell’s going on, but if you want a fight, then—”

Usopp slams his hammer. “Quiet, defense!” — “Yeah, be quiet!” Chopper cheers — “Prosecution, call your witnesses.”

Robin smiles. “My first witness is Monkey D. Luffy, the captain of the Strawhats.”

Luffy springs up from his seat and jumps into the center of the makeshift courtroom.

“Please state your evidence for why Black Leg Sanji is a pirate,” Robin prompts.

“He’s part of my crew, so duh, he’s a pirate!” Luffy says, rocking back and forth on the balls of his feet. “Also, he kicked me out of the kitchen, so that’s piracy!”

Usopp nods slowly, as if he’s carefully considering Luffy’s words. “Alright, defense, would you like to cross-examine the witness?”

“Sure,” Zoro drawls, after a lot of painful nudging from Nami. “Uhh, why’d he kick you out of the kitchen?”

“Objection, irrelevant to the case,” Robin cuts in immediately.

“Objection sustained!” Usopp yells gleefully, slamming his hammer again. “Defense, do you find any contradictions with what this witness is saying?”

“Well, no. Am I supposed to?” Zoro asks.

“Then, the prosecution would like to call in its next witness,” Robin says, ignoring Zoro’s question. “Franky, the shipwright.”

“SUPER!” Franky shouts as he makes his entrance. “Eyebrow-bro here has a wanted poster because he’s a pirate. A SUPERRR one!”

“You can have a wanted poster even if you’re not a pirate,” Zoro grumbles. “Like if you’re a bounty hunter or a revolutionary or just a criminal in general.”

“But is he any of those other things? I don’t think so,” Franky says, striking a pose.

“Because he’s a pirate! How can he not be guilty of piracy?” Zoro yells, gesturing wildly.

“Settle down, defense!” Chopper yells with Usopp, slamming his hooves down as Usopp bangs the hammer on the desk. “Prosecution, it seems that the defense does not have a very convincing argument. Would you like to call any other witnesses?”

“Brook, Nami, would either of you like to come up?” Robin asks.

“Yohohoho, I’m fine!” Brook says, picking up his violin.

“Yeah, I’m good over here, too,” Nami responds, relaxing in her chair.

“Then, it seems the prosecution has no more witnesses to call up,” Robin says. “Your verdict, judge?”

“Ahem,” Usopp clears his throat several times. Brook begins playing his violin, setting the tone with some tense music. “I hereby declare Black Leg Sanji guilty of piracy! As punishment, he must be thrown overboard.”

“What? No!” Sanji splutters as Luffy’s hands eagerly stretch towards him. The struggle is short-lived and ends with a splash just as Brook’s song comes to a close.

 

“This is all your fault, you dumb marimo,” Sanji grumbles as he wrings sea water out of his clothes.

“How the hell is it my fault?” Zoro hisses. “It’s not on me when you’re clearly a stupid pirate.”

“You did a horrible job of defending me, that’s why,” Sanji says as he lifts his right leg.

Zoro unsheathes one of his swords, which clashes with Sanji’s shoe. “I didn’t even want to defend you!”

“Exactly my point!”

 

“Shishishi, that was fun!” Luffy says, flopping onto the deck. “Thanks, Robin.”

“Of course, captain,” she says, smiling as she watches Franky berate Zoro and Sanji for almost ruining the deck. “I had fun, too.”


End file.
